Skip to main content

My mid-life crisis, turning 40

I turned forty this past spring, me, 40 years old! I tried all year long to ignore my age. It's so depressing this new phase of my life. I am no longer referred to as miss, girl or young lady I am now Mrs. or Mam. Now, I simply ignore those people who have decided to put me in this category, the clerks, salespeople, baggers (at least the young cute one's) at the grocery store, my nail girl (for this she gets no referrals from me!, this is my way of getting her back for calling out in the salon...oh, mam... you forgot your keys, really is that necessary!) ect... and anyone else who has deemed me old! No, I don't desire to be a kid or a teenager ever again, although I had the time of my life with no responsibilities and parents who pretty much gave us all that we desired or wished for (this, I am not passing on to my children.), I like being an adult. I just don't like that I'm getting older, I don't like that my face cream is no longer for women who are 40(according to the girl at the Macys make up counter or my magazines), I don't like that I now have to use two different creams, one for my face and one for my eyes. I don't like that I have found a few strands of gray in my hair (I got lazy for a few weeks and didn't get to the salon in time) boy, I will never make that mistake again! I don't like that now I have to check the box 40-50 yrs. I don’t like that gravity seems to be taking over, I don’t like that now my doctor has told me that I need to have yearly mammograms, really, great this makes me feel better about being 40 having my boobs squished, smashed and flattened like a pancake!. I don' like that my teenage son thinks of me as old, I thought all this time he thought of me as young. I came to this realization the other day when he knew something that I didn't about a computer issue, simple... really it was, when he informed that I was old, his words exactly "mom just face it, your old". What! I almost lost it... you ungrateful child that’s what you are!, you think mommy is old!, but I play soccer with you, I... we play tennis and go hiking, not to mention I go boogie boarding with you, in the ocean!, I stay up late and hang out with you, (of course I don't let on just how much all this activity kills me and all I really want to do is pass out in my bed for a week) how could you possibly think of me as old. People in nursing homes are old, me, I’m not old! I am trying really hard to get passed all this, really I am. I am trying to rise above it all, but this is just all too much for me to take in. I guess that I should be thankful and feel blessed that I have so much. I have friends who are 40somethings with no kids, no spouses, nothing. They tell me that I am lucky, blessed. Maybe I am..., but at the present moment all I can see is 41 looking me in the eye. 41...41... just breathe....

Comments

Rowdy said…
i'm 36 now, so this doesn't get any better.......????
December 3, 2008 at 9:00 PM
secretlifeofdawn said…
nope, you'll see, you'll be hitting the big 40! soon enough my friend. Time flies, just when you think you have plenty o time, bam! there it is.
December 5, 2008 at 6:58 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Each morning as I lay awake, I pray for strength to just get through the process of arising and moving forward. I long for the late night text messages saying "good night and to the moon!". Heavy eyelids from the day of gathering my children, rushing to and from school, after school practices, home work and just the business of the day that began at sunrise. feeling it was now okay to finally let go, falling in to a peacful sleep, knowing that for one more evening, the nightmares which would often visit have faded away and at last all was right in my world. Feeling so alone, the walls of my world seem to be closing in on me, my insides feel as though they are rotting away, with each passing day, my strength is failing me, I seem to have lost it someplace along this heart crushing path as I flounder about trying to regroup and grasp what this all means. My most beloved favorite human being in all the world has left my side and now I must travel alone.... To the Moon!
1 comment
Read more

California Dreaming

When you live in Paradise, you sometimes take for granted just how blessed you truly are. So many times after work when I lived in San Diego, in the evenings I'd take that ten minute drive down to the beach, digging my toes in the cool golden sandy earth, breathing in that fresh salty Pacific Ocean air, relaxing, letting go of the daily stresses that encompass ones life. Listening to the waves as they crash against the shoreline, gazing off into the distance as the sun would began her evening show of setting using the blue ocean waters as her backdrop. The stage was set for a spectacular night of eye catching colors splashing the beautiful blue sky with hues of bright pinks and shades of orange. I love San Diego she never disappoints.  Earlier this month I went with friends to San Diego. It was a first time touring the city as a tourist and not a resident. It was a strange feeling, being a tourist in my own city, but I loved every moment of seeing this beautiful place through the e...
Post a Comment
Read more