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My mid-life crisis, turning 40

I turned forty this past spring, me, 40 years old! I tried all year long to ignore my age. It's so depressing this new phase of my life. I am no longer referred to as miss, girl or young lady I am now Mrs. or Mam. Now, I simply ignore those people who have decided to put me in this category, the clerks, salespeople, baggers (at least the young cute one's) at the grocery store, my nail girl (for this she gets no referrals from me!, this is my way of getting her back for calling out in the salon...oh, mam... you forgot your keys, really is that necessary!) ect... and anyone else who has deemed me old! No, I don't desire to be a kid or a teenager ever again, although I had the time of my life with no responsibilities and parents who pretty much gave us all that we desired or wished for (this, I am not passing on to my children.), I like being an adult. I just don't like that I'm getting older, I don't like that my face cream is no longer for women who are 40(according to the girl at the Macys make up counter or my magazines), I don't like that I now have to use two different creams, one for my face and one for my eyes. I don't like that I have found a few strands of gray in my hair (I got lazy for a few weeks and didn't get to the salon in time) boy, I will never make that mistake again! I don't like that now I have to check the box 40-50 yrs. I don’t like that gravity seems to be taking over, I don’t like that now my doctor has told me that I need to have yearly mammograms, really, great this makes me feel better about being 40 having my boobs squished, smashed and flattened like a pancake!. I don' like that my teenage son thinks of me as old, I thought all this time he thought of me as young. I came to this realization the other day when he knew something that I didn't about a computer issue, simple... really it was, when he informed that I was old, his words exactly "mom just face it, your old". What! I almost lost it... you ungrateful child that’s what you are!, you think mommy is old!, but I play soccer with you, I... we play tennis and go hiking, not to mention I go boogie boarding with you, in the ocean!, I stay up late and hang out with you, (of course I don't let on just how much all this activity kills me and all I really want to do is pass out in my bed for a week) how could you possibly think of me as old. People in nursing homes are old, me, I’m not old! I am trying really hard to get passed all this, really I am. I am trying to rise above it all, but this is just all too much for me to take in. I guess that I should be thankful and feel blessed that I have so much. I have friends who are 40somethings with no kids, no spouses, nothing. They tell me that I am lucky, blessed. Maybe I am..., but at the present moment all I can see is 41 looking me in the eye. 41...41... just breathe....

Comments

Rowdy said…
i'm 36 now, so this doesn't get any better.......????
December 3, 2008 at 9:00 PM
secretlifeofdawn said…
nope, you'll see, you'll be hitting the big 40! soon enough my friend. Time flies, just when you think you have plenty o time, bam! there it is.
December 5, 2008 at 6:58 PM
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