SecretLifeOfDawn

It was one of those warm July mornings, as the sun began to rise and peek through the windows filling the room with rays of sunlight. In the early morning hours before the world awakes. Curled up, feeling the closeness and warmth of your soul next to mine, not yet fully awake hoping it's reality and not just a vanashing dream. Quite, Laying in the stillness of the morning, allowing my eyelids to slowly open as if not wanting the dream to fade, still unsure, if it's real or just my vivid imagination playing tricks on me. Turning my face inward feeling the warmth of your skin against my face slowly inhaling the sweet musky scent of what I know so well, feeling your arms embrace. I'm safe, it's not a dream, it's reality and only now can I open my eyes for being in that dream state is no longer a requirement for the peaceful stillness I so crave and desire. Somewhere along this road a certain peacefulness has been found. The longing of the sternful, leading, guiding, pr

When you live in Paradise, you sometimes take for granted just how blessed you truly are. So many times after work when I lived in San Diego, in the evenings I'd take that ten minute drive down to the beach, digging my toes in the cool golden sandy earth, breathing in that fresh salty Pacific Ocean air, relaxing, letting go of the daily stresses that encompass ones life. Listening to the waves as they crash against the shoreline, gazing off into the distance as the sun would began her evening show of setting using the blue ocean waters as her backdrop. The stage was set for a spectacular night of eye catching colors splashing the beautiful blue sky with hues of bright pinks and shades of orange. I love San Diego she never disappoints.  Earlier this month I went with friends to San Diego. It was a first time touring the city as a tourist and not a resident. It was a strange feeling, being a tourist in my own city, but I loved every moment of seeing this beautiful place through the e

 Recently I took a trip back home to San Diego. A trip I wasn't completely sure I could follow through with. I had been planning to return for several months, things fell into place a few months prior and with that, the excitement of going home begin to outweigh the dread and sadness I thought I may encounter once back in California.  As the days begin to draw closer to my trip my anxiety begin to build, I was so excited to return, yet in the back of my mind I often felt a cloud of sadness begin to surround me. For the past two years it's been easier to be across the country then home. The pain is easier to push away, it's easy for him to be here with me in a place of beauty and happiness, it's easy for him to still be real, it's easy to talk about him in the present, not live in the past surrounded by darkness. He's real to me here, he hasn't left, he's alive and I speak of my Dad often.  I find myself telling my new friends, my patients, even strangers