Season of sadness

May 30, 2015 3:36pm - my notes, that I've been unable to post until now. I've been the strongest I've ever been in my entire life. Yet I feel incredibly weak, the sadness that fill my eyes, the screams of gut wrenching pain that creep in, are held back, not by strength, for I have so little left to cling to, but by hands wrapped around my mouth, fingers intertwined to lock in any escape of distress through clinched teeth and eyes ever so tightly closed, in hopes of pushing away the ever so present pain, and for the next moment I have found success.

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My mid-life crisis, turning 40

I turned forty this past spring, me, 40 years old! I tried all year long to ignore my age. It's so depressing this new phase of my life. I am no longer referred to as miss, girl or young lady I am now Mrs. or Mam. Now, I simply ignore those people who have decided to put me in this category, the clerks, salespeople, baggers (at least the young cute one's) at the grocery store, my nail girl (for this she gets no referrals from me!, this is my way of getting her back for calling out in the salon...oh, mam... you forgot your keys, really is that necessary!) ect... and anyone else who has deemed me old! No, I don't desire to be a kid or a teenager ever again, although I had the time of my life with no responsibilities and parents who pretty much gave us all that we desired or wished for (this, I am not passing on to my children.), I like being an adult. I just don't like that I'm getting older, I don't like that my face cream is no longer for women who are 40(acco...

Random Conversations I heard This Week

Over the past week, I have heard some funny conversations and sense I'm about all things funny and hilarious thought I'd share a few. My phone rings, it's my cousin, I say Hello, then I hear " I love you man, thank you babe!" then I hear my cousin say " I love you man...". My cousin, showing God's love, had just bought a homeless man dinner. My 10 yr. old daughter and I in my hubby's compact car, not my SUV on the way to the store, we pull into the parking lot of the store my daughter says " momma...that car looks an awful lot like daddy's car" I say "ELAINE!!!! WE ARE... IN DADDDY'S CAR!!!" I have no words, just suffice it to say I'm scared!!! My 5 yr. old crying, running down the stairs, I say what happened?! what's wrong?! my 5 yr. old says "ETHAN GAVE ME A TEXAS WEDGIE!!!" What is a Texas wedgie???!!! I have no Idea!! He then runs over and hits his brother and says "NOW PULL IT OUT YOU BIG BA...

California Dreaming

When you live in Paradise, you sometimes take for granted just how blessed you truly are. So many times after work when I lived in San Diego, in the evenings I'd take that ten minute drive down to the beach, digging my toes in the cool golden sandy earth, breathing in that fresh salty Pacific Ocean air, relaxing, letting go of the daily stresses that encompass ones life. Listening to the waves as they crash against the shoreline, gazing off into the distance as the sun would began her evening show of setting using the blue ocean waters as her backdrop. The stage was set for a spectacular night of eye catching colors splashing the beautiful blue sky with hues of bright pinks and shades of orange. I love San Diego she never disappoints. Earlier this month I went with friends to San Diego. It was a first time touring the city as a tourist and not a resident. It was a strange feeling, being a tourist in my own city, but I loved every moment of seeing this beautiful place through the e...

SecretLifeOfDawn

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