The loss that has invaded ones soul and consumes ones daily living, the only light seen is that which comes through the cracks in the wall put up as only a show of strength. The loss is great, feelings of abandonment rise up again and again as the sadness comes in waves, reckless with life not caring of life nor death, having understood this was how it was meant to be at the loss of each tie that held it together, making one believe, not by blood, but by love we are connected, realizing long ago it is by blood, of which there is none. Ties cut, wounds are deep, yet life keeps moving strangely forward.
I turned forty this past spring, me, 40 years old! I tried all year long to ignore my age. It's so depressing this new phase of my life. I am no longer referred to as miss, girl or young lady I am now Mrs. or Mam. Now, I simply ignore those people who have decided to put me in this category, the clerks, salespeople, baggers (at least the young cute one's) at the grocery store, my nail girl (for this she gets no referrals from me!, this is my way of getting her back for calling out in the salon...oh, mam... you forgot your keys, really is that necessary!) ect... and anyone else who has deemed me old! No, I don't desire to be a kid or a teenager ever again, although I had the time of my life with no responsibilities and parents who pretty much gave us all that we desired or wished for (this, I am not passing on to my children.), I like being an adult. I just don't like that I'm getting older, I don't like that my face cream is no longer for women who are 40(acco...
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