It was a beautiful spring morning and I was spending the day alone. My children were in school, attending college, every one was in there respective places. Not needing me for several hours, I took the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of the day at the beach and turned off my phone.
I was about an hour outside San Diego, away from everyone. The sun was shining, the water glistening, no clouds, just a beautiful blue sky turning this majestic morning into a gorgeous afternoon. It was early afternoon by the time I decided to turn on my phone as it began the sound of turning on, signaling missed texts messages and calls. I began the task of listening to my voice mail, a few messages played as I was getting in my car, then came the last voice mail in my mailbox, that began the sadness, of, once again being cast into a very sad season of life.
My beloved Father was in need of Morphine. My heart sank as I knew this was the beginning of my nightmare. The shadow of death began its decent upon my precious Father. It seemed so surreal, as I began speeding down the freeway, trying to reach him. I just wanted to touch him, kiss him and make sure he was still with me, I wanted to look into his eyes, I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him and how thankful and blessed I am that he and my Mom chose me. How lucky, yes how incredibly lucky I felt to be his daughter.
I wanted to tell him he was my King, my Hero...I wanted to have one more conversation with him, I wanted to hear him say he "loved me to the moon", and I wanted to say back to him that, "I love you most"and I wanted to hear him say the word "more". I got the chance to tell him, several chances and I told him. I still tell him everyday, Dad... I whisper it...Dad, I love you to the moon, Dad I thank you for taking care of me, for loving me, for your daily prayers, for all that you were and are and I always end it with our back and forth "I love you most" and "said it first".
I know you are with Mom and for that I am ever so Thankful. My heart aches for you and the pain some days seems quite unbearable, but in those moments of sheer darkness and agony I've found, if I can muster up the will to just whisper the words "God is near...." He grants me the strength to get through the next few moments and as I began to thank him for allowing me to have you for many years beyond his promise, I find a certain peace began to spill over my soul as my strength rises to make it through another day without my most beloved.
I love you to the moon, goodnight my most precious Father....
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