Wow!, what a year it's been. Last year I turned 40, I am still in shock! although it's now even more shocking that I am about to turn 41! holy toledo, sweet, mother of pearl...! I am totally freaked out! about this new stage, I feel like a 25 year old in a 40 year old body whose subjects(especially my teenager) just don't get it!!. I also began my spiritual journey (as I like to call it) last year, I don't know if I have been so extremely busy with life or just lazy. But... I have lost that personal relationship with God that I feel sure, I once had. My question now is, did I have my own relationship with God? or was is my parents relationship with God?. I'm a PK, so that in and of itself is another whole issue that I am trying to work through. I feel confident in this new year, that I will have that personal relationship with God that I am so desperately seeking. Exercising, it feels great,I worked out plenty, but not enough for me, so this year is my year to kick it way up!!. Last year, I realized that I needed to surround myself with healthy positive people, but failed to. Fear, it paralyzed me, and truth, was freeing. Friends, some helped, some hindered, some negative (I lost those), some positive (I kept those), some with heart breaking, mind numbing news, that will change their lives and those that surround them, for those and myself included, I found this awesome passage in Philippians that says when the days are dark and clouded by worry and you cry out to God remember "The Lord is near" "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I love that!,now... when worries arises,as they often do, I quietly whisper "The Lord is near, the Lord is near."
Cold winter evening, perched on the window seat near the fire, snow falling from the cold gray skies above, Fingers intertwined around a glass of Malbec. Sirens and suddenly the mind begins its decent down a road, long sense pushed to the edge of the mind. Far from the madness, thought I'd escaped. Sirens, it takes my breath away, for a moment the rise and fall of my breathing becomes labored as I gasp for air, the oxygen suddenly seems to have evaporated from the room. I'm desperate to get air, for I've no idea what's happening, mind racing, how could I lose control in an instant, how did I forget how to breathe. Suddenly the emotion is all to clear as it begins, flooding my entire being, washing over my soul as the rains fill the lake overflowing breaking the dam. I feel tears begin to stream down my face. I'm thrown into a sea of memories, desire, joyous, dreamy, unforgettable, closeness, connection, carefree, all sane thoughts compartmetalized into tiny boxes, ...
Comments